Joel's baby registry:

I just wanted to take this moment and thank all of you who have been so considerate and thoughtful in giving us such wonderful gifts to help us with our preparations for the new arrival!
But now, let’s take a moment to think about what we really could have used, that for some reason or another remained off people’s radar. Here’s a top-ten list:

1) Noise reducing headphones: (Around ear Quiet Comfort acoustic noise canceling headphones, to be specific.) For those of you who aren’t aware, babies are quite capable of producing a lot of…“acoustic noise”– hence noise reducing headphones. Ah-ha!
2) Portable DVD player: If our child is anything like my nephew Fin, this actually should be number one on the list. Now we can all watch Thomas the Train till we go Toot-toot!
3) More hours in the day. Don’t they sell gift certificates for these yet?
4) More diapers: sure there’s a zillion super cute baby outfits out there, irresistible to any and every soon to be grandmother – but the only outfit that matters to me, are the ones that hold the heavy loads. We live in Southern California for crying out loud, who needs clothes?
4-a) A live-in diaper service. I’ve never changed a diaper in my life. I’d like to keep it that way. PLEASE!
4-b) Actually, a live-in diaper/maid service: in addition to “acoustic noise,” and poop, babies also make messes far disproportionate to their size.
6) External hard-drive. You think there are a lot of pictures now? Wait until the little photogenic freak is born! You think all those gigs of jpegs and gifs are going to fit on my hard-drive? Think again.
7) A Valium prescription. Do I need to elaborate?
8) A membership to 24hour Fitness. For the missus – you know- ;)
9) Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, and Steve Guttenberg. Why not learn from the masters?
10) That damn storks head on a plate!